REVEALED: location of new Bristol clean air zone will be in Leigh Woods nature reserve

Bristol City Council announced today that they will reduce traffic and pollution in the city by implementing a ‘clean air zone’ at Leigh Woods nature reserve.

After twice failing to meet the government deadline for setting out a clean air plan for Bristol, the Council has reluctantly revealed that from April 2020 they will ban diesel vehicles over 12 tons from driving around the Leigh Woods area on Sundays.

“Now that we have set up this revolutionary clean air zone, everyone in Bristol is welcome to go to Leigh Woods for a breath of fresh air.

Of course, dirty air will still be available everywhere else in the city, for those who prefer the taste,” said Bristol Mayor Marvin Rees at a press conference today.

“Leigh Woods is the perfect place for a clean air zone. Like most places in Bristol, it is very easy to get to if you have a car.”

Visitors to Leigh Woods will be permitted to take home one 500ml bottle of clean air to breathe at their leisure and any edible nuts and berries they may find on the forest floor, but no squirrels.

4-pint containers of freshly bottled premium air will also be available to buy from the Clifton Suspension Bridge visitor centre for £5.75.

‘Clean’ air is practically invisible to the naked eye, which has lead some to question whether it really exists.

When asked why there was such a delay in announcing a clean air plan for Bristol, the Mayor explained:

“When we missed the first deadline you moaned about it, and then you had the audacity to complain again when we missed the second deadline. I honestly don’t understand this obsession you people have with meeting these arbitrary deadlines.

Anyone would think that air pollution is causing over half a million premature deaths a year across Europe, the way you harp on about it.”

2 comments

  1. With respect, they’d do far better opposing the expansion of Bristol airport that will result in 97,000 aircraft stacking over Bristol as they queue to land and more than 10.2 million car journeys a year by people travelling to and from the airport with a net economical loss to the region.

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  2. I heard that the full plan is to increase the wooded area of Leigh woods to completely cover Bristol and South Glos.
    By wooding over the urban area, there simply will not be enough space for cars so they will need to be stored in North Somerset where there conveniently isn’t a Clean Air Zone. But in the interests of equality for all mode users, the cycle paths will become really bumpy because of the new tree roots so that cycling also becomes a less attractive mode.

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