After years of failed attempts and false starts, plans have finally emerged for a series of  hyper-generic tower blocks and a conference centre on the so-called ‘Conference Island’ near Temple Meads train station.

The world-class, state-of-the-art conference centre, when up and running, could attract top touring acts, such as ‘I Can Make You Sleep LIVE: with Paul McKenna’, and Jordan Belfort, the real Wolf of Wall Street’s seminar on how to be a successful criminal.

“Ever since I was a child I always wanted to see one of the big hitters play a world-class conference centre, to see Malcolm Gladwell explain his broken windows theory in the city I live in is a genuine dream I hope to realise very soon. Please don’t hurt me.” said a man tied to a chair with a gun held to his head.

The history of Bristol’s quest for a conference centre has been a long and tumultuous one. For fifteen years, plans to build an arena complex including a conference centre in the centre of Bristol have been in the pipeline.  However, the idea of not bothering with an arena now seems to have really captured the imagination of private investors and property developers alike.

A spokesperson for Zaha Hadid Architects said: ‘This is a once in a lifetime chance to change the area around Temple Meads from a dull corporate concrete wasteland, with no charm and no soul, into an even bigger dull concrete wasteland.”